Friday 27 May 2011

A large portion of honesty

So here we go. This is a tough post for me to write. I've not blogged for about 3 months anyway and I don't have a 'themed' blog - I'm not a HR blogger or a thirtysomething blogger - so I just write when the mood takes me, although sometimes I avoid it then too. However there seems to be something about writing a personal post that makes people respond positively to you. It happened when I wrote about my neighbour's cancer battle. She's doing pretty well by the way!

I'm writing because I feel like a fraud. And at the same time I feel inspired and positive. And it's time to get that out of my system.

A couple of people know that I've been losing weight recently. I'm what people politely call a 'big girl' - except I'm not that big because I'm short! And I've always been comfortable with being bigger.  Only one day I wasn't.

I was a thin child, a chubby teenager, a slim late teenager-early twentysomething, and then I started work. And put on about a stone a year after graduating thorugh having a hugely sedentary lifestyle, generally hating exercise, and loving all the bad food in the world; curry, cake, bread, sweets. Nomnom!!

So then one day I wasn't happy. I realised that people wouldn't want to sit next to me on a train because I may start encroaching on their seat. I realised I may not be able to have children easily (a friend of mine who is struggling though IVF keeps being told to lose weight...and it's so hard and it's not going well). I realised that it was ultimately going to be an unhappy way to live.

But I didn't know where to start or what to do. What do you do?!? You realise that you're so heavy that you don't think that you can ever lose weight. Do you don't see the point in trying. There's too much to do. It's too hard.

So I cheated. Or did I? You decide.

I signed up for three hynotherapy sessions. 

And since my first session, I have been shrinking. It's hard to explain.  My hypnotherapist decided that a low-carb eating plan would work well for me based on my current eating habits. So no bread, pasta, potatoes, rice etc. I would gain an interest in food nutrition. I'd stay under 60g of carbs a day.  There's a whole heap more than that - breaking previous eating habits in my head, changing my personal relationship with food - but that is the bottom hard line. And I don't break it, ever.

And it's working! The thought of eating bread or chips turns my stomach! I imagine feeling bloated, pained, awful.  I refused to weigh myself at the start of this so only did so at Easter, when I'd already lost noticeable weight and was feeling better. Since Easter I've lost 10lbs. Well on my way but a real way to go too. I don't want to eat unhealthy food. I don't want to feel how it makes me feel.


I felt I had to come clean after speaking with someone yesterday (you know who you are!) and being asked if I miss bread. And I said no, it's easy. And it is now! But that isn't normal is it?

So am I cheating? It's my mind that I've had manipulated but it was my mind that wanted to change. And I feel so much better about myself than I have done in years.  The difference is now is that although I know it will take time; although I know it won't always be easy, I now know that I can do this. I can lose weight, I can get healthy, I can feel good.

So if you feel that you are stuck and that you can't change - whatever the situation - just know that there is the strength and the fight in you and that you can have it drawn out, either by yourself or with help. Personally, I'm completely sold on hypnotherapy, and hope that this post can help just one person who was stuck in the mindset that I was in before.

I can't bring myself to tell a number of people who have seen me losing weight, because I'm concerned that they will judge me. How is cyberspace any better? God only knows, but it's time to share.

I expect some people to judge, but I hope that others will support.

5 comments:

Mel said...

BB. Well done for having the balls to share. And well done on losing weight. You've done what works for you. Screw what anyone else thinks. What's more important - your happiness or them judging you? Crack on girl!

BettyBBlonde said...

Thank you Mel! I do feel really good. Goodness knows why we have a permanent fear of being judged eh?

Bina Briggs said...

Well Done, it works for you, that's all that matters and you're much happier about yourself. I don't see where the cheating fits in, you did it your way! You just carry on, now the bacon sarnie without the bread makes sense!!!I look forward to meeting the new look BBB! xx

BettyBBlonde said...

Thank you Bina I really appreciate that! Now I've lost a lot it's starting to show - still a long way to go though! ;-) xx

Stephen O'Donnell said...

Congratulations BB, and good luck. feeling good is the most important thing.