A simple tale to bring you cheer

In between all the philosophising and rhetoric of blogging, I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell a simple tale which will hopefully bring a smile to the lips of the few that read it. Goodness knows it's a miserable time of year, so a smirk at my stupidity may cheer you up

It was last week, a workday evening, and I arrived home from work after a trying day. I was on the phone ranting with a colleague as I let myself into the house. One thing struck me as weird. The door between the kitchen and living room was closed. We always leave this open. Still on the phone, I walked in and encountered Mr B sat on the sofa wearing coat and hat and with the fire on. I gave him a confused look and walked back into the kitchen. He followed me, glared, and pointedly closed the door. To which I carried on ranting on the phone and walked back into the living room. He followed me, closed the door and glared again. I ignored him again, went back into the kitchen to check the status of dinner (he was cooking, natch).  Again, he followed me, closing the door and glaring.  By which stage I realised I couldn't be bothered with his weirdness, so I decided to get changed. I walked upstairs, still on the phone, whilst taking my suit trousers off (not best practice health and safety).  On reaching the top of the stairs, trousers in hand, I walked into the bathroom.........only to encounter the British Gas man mending our boiler!

I ran out of the bathroom and locked myself in the spare room (why?? Why???) - explained to my colleague (still on the phone!) what had happened! She was caught between being appalled at me being trouserless on the phone to her, and wetting herself laughing at what had just happened.

Ending the call, I rushed back downstairs and asked Mr B why he hadn't told me the gas man was there! Or screeched, to be fair.  His calm (and slightly laughing) response was.
1.....I told you the gas man was coming Tuesday evening (whatever, that was at least a day ago, I have a head like a sieve)
2....it's in the calendar (so I'm supposed to read the calendar every morning, digest its contents and remember it, hmm??)
3....why do you think I'm still wearing my hat and coat?? It's freezing in here! (yes, but I have the warmth of rage - I feel no cold!!0
4.....why do you think I was keeping the door shut?? To stop the cat getting shut in the airing cupboard again like she was last time the gas man came! (I still think that was deliberate - how can you miss a giant tabby cat?? Bastard)
5....did you not notice the British Gas van parked outside the bloody house???

....answer, no, I did not, I was on the phone and ranting.

And here is the lesson in this.

Always check for vans parked outside your house before removing your clothes whilst ranting on the phone.